BJR2K Newsletter

Welcome back, fans.  I'm happy to report that this issue has been voted "biggest waste of time other than the last BJR newsletter" by all of our readers.  I can only hope to repay such love with commanding all your attention and none of your respect.  And maybe a few jokes you can't tell your parents.

BJR2K

As the millennium approaches, a lot of people are worried that these newsletters might stop.  Hundreds of programmers have been writing countless lines of code for years, hoping to stop the truth and wisdom from flowing from yours truly.  To make sure we are BJR2K ready, this newsletter contains futuristic humor, which will explain the reason you may not get some of the jokes included.

Wedding

Since I haven't even finished my thank you notes, I will thank everyone universally for everything they sent me for the wedding.  The buffalo hide comforter and the life sized garden statue of Carmen Electra are much appreciated.  Somehow I will find a way to use both at the same time (ooh).  But the wedding itself was amazing despite the bride attempting to get three pieces of cake all over my face.  Many of you have asked, and yes, I looked incredibly handsome.

Stanford Hoops

The Cardinal has opened the season 5-0 with wins over Duke and Auburn.  Based on my indepth knowledge of the team and the upcoming schedule, I believe we will win at least five games this season.  Maybe more.  I welcome anyone who will take this bet - and I will give you amazing odds.

Roots

In August, I spent almost three weeks back in Alaska, the land of my youth, where I remember first learning how to make fun of other people.  Despite being marooned on an island, getting soaked by several small floods, and eating too many mosquitoes, I loved my time with nature and nature's mother, mother nature.

I also managed to go back to King Salmon, Alaska, where I lived until I was nine years old.  They say you can never go home again - and I'm not sure I should have even tried.  For the finale, I attended my high school reunion in Eagle River; it was great getting to see everyone I had intentionally forgotten about (newsletter subscribers excluded, of course).

The Groove is In the House

And so is all of my disposable income.  While our house is not new, I didn't expect that I would need to become Mr. Fix It or even Mr. Annoyed That I Don't Know How To Fix It.  I have started to destroy the weed infested "garden" and have found that it's a lot more fun being "Mr. Open Up a Can of Whoop-You-Know-What" than "Mr. Fix It".  My parents are coming to visit soon, so I'm sure progress will accelerate once someone who actually knows what they are doing arrives....  Bear also seems very happy in his new home.

Reactivity Austin

Reactivity Austin continues to grow like a bad case of ... well, you know.  Things are moving fast and furious and we've been interviewing a ton of people who come from a variety of shady backgrounds or who look good against shady backgrounds.  A lot of you have asked again about investing in Reactivity.  Feel free to send large envelopes of cash or Final Four tickets and we will evaluate your request briefly before pocketing the cash and the tickets.

Fight Club

No where in the movie fight club do they say "You cannot write newsletters about fight club." or "You must be funny when you write about fight club."  So, I'd like to invite people to join my own flight club - however, the rules are a little different, mostly centered around making sure 1) I don't get hurt 2) everyone else gets hurt.  If you don't know that there is a movie out called "Fight Club" this part of the newsletter probably wasn't that funny.  Go out and see the movie, and then come back and read this section.  Still not funny?  I never promised anything.  (Actually, do not go see this movie unless I explicitly say you will like it - this especially means relatives).

Holidays

Have happy holidays, even if you have to spend them with me.

Bryan