BJR2K Newsletter
Welcome back, fans. I'm happy to report that this issue has been
voted "biggest waste of time other than the last BJR newsletter" by all of our
readers. I can only hope to repay such love with commanding all your
attention and none of your respect. And maybe a few jokes you can't tell
your parents.
BJR2K
As the millennium approaches, a lot of
people are worried that these newsletters might stop. Hundreds of
programmers have been writing countless lines of code for years, hoping to stop
the truth and wisdom from flowing from yours truly. To make sure we are
BJR2K ready, this newsletter contains futuristic humor, which will explain the
reason you may not get some of the jokes
included.
Wedding
Since I haven't even finished my thank
you notes, I will thank everyone universally for everything they sent me for the
wedding. The buffalo hide comforter and the life sized garden statue of
Carmen Electra are much appreciated. Somehow I will find a way to use both
at the same time (ooh). But the wedding itself was amazing despite the
bride attempting to get three pieces of cake all over my face. Many of you
have asked, and yes, I looked incredibly handsome.
Stanford
Hoops
The Cardinal has opened the season 5-0 with wins over Duke and
Auburn. Based on my indepth knowledge of the team and the upcoming
schedule, I believe we will win at least five games this season. Maybe
more. I welcome anyone who will take this bet - and I will give you
amazing odds.
Roots
In August, I spent almost three weeks
back in Alaska, the land of my youth, where I remember first learning how to
make fun of other people. Despite being marooned on an island, getting
soaked by several small floods, and eating too many mosquitoes, I loved my time
with nature and nature's mother, mother nature.
I also managed to go back
to King Salmon, Alaska, where I lived until I was nine years old. They say
you can never go home again - and I'm not sure I should have even tried.
For the finale, I attended my high school reunion in Eagle River; it was great
getting to see everyone I had intentionally forgotten about (newsletter
subscribers excluded, of course).
The Groove is In the
House
And so is all of my disposable income. While our house is
not new, I didn't expect that I would need to become Mr. Fix It or even Mr.
Annoyed That I Don't Know How To Fix It. I have started to destroy the
weed infested "garden" and have found that it's a lot more fun being "Mr. Open
Up a Can of Whoop-You-Know-What" than "Mr. Fix It". My parents are coming
to visit soon, so I'm sure progress will accelerate once someone who actually
knows what they are doing arrives.... Bear also seems very happy in his
new home.
Reactivity Austin
Reactivity Austin continues to
grow like a bad case of ... well, you know. Things are moving fast and
furious and we've been interviewing a ton of people who come from a variety of
shady backgrounds or who look good against shady backgrounds. A lot of you
have asked again about investing in Reactivity. Feel free to send large
envelopes of cash or Final Four tickets and we will evaluate your request
briefly before pocketing the cash and the tickets.
Fight
Club
No where in the movie fight club do they say "You cannot write
newsletters about fight club." or "You must be funny when you write about fight
club." So, I'd like to invite people to join my own flight club - however,
the rules are a little different, mostly centered around making sure 1) I don't
get hurt 2) everyone else gets hurt. If you don't know that there is a
movie out called "Fight Club" this part of the newsletter probably wasn't that
funny. Go out and see the movie, and then come back and read this
section. Still not funny? I never promised anything.
(Actually, do not go see this movie unless I explicitly say you will like it -
this especially means relatives).
Holidays
Have happy
holidays, even if you have to spend them with me.
Bryan