Hit
me BJR - one more time!
With my travels to Boston winding down, I've been in Austin to enjoy our new
monsoon season. I hate rain more than you hate whatever you hate most.
Somehow i love kayaking, swimming, scuba diving, drinking water, showering, and
cleaning the water out of other people's ears, but I am no fan of rain.
But, I've also managed some fun around the country at the same time.
The Big Trip
Trying to pack for a trip which consists of :
basically means you cram everything you own into several large bags and pray
that they don't charge you extra when you check in. This also meant that
I looked like a walking luggage rack in most airports. Airport Security
didn't like me, but maybe that's because I kept saying "Stupid Airport
Security" all the time.
The Canyon
The Grand Canyon is huge. I would use another word to describe it
were it not for my under-18 audience. I managed to forget some key items
(rain pants, gloves, underwear - there are about a million jokes I want to make
here...) and Vic managed to balance that by bringing Jelly Bellies, Spray
Cheese, a Handspring Visor (Palm Pilot), and a Snakebite Kit. The vertical
mile of climbing out of the canyon left me sore in places I wish I never had,
despite the "freedom" and the absence of snakes.
Phoenix
Returning from the Canyon to Phoenix for a day of relaxation, we were
guided to the Super 8 on Van Buren Ave in order " to find a decent
hotel." You might also check out Van Buren if you want to buy crack,
a venereal disease, or a gunshot wound. Even the Denny's on Van Buren
closes at midnight because the place is so sketchy. The next day we
walked around Arizona State University and watched the ASU hoops team
practice. We thought about heckling but then realized that we were both
short and crippled so we probably didn't need to talk much smack.
Beating Cal Again
Stanford, with potentially one of our worst teams in the last decade, beat
Cal Berkeley in Big Game (football) 36-30 in overtime, mostly thanks to
me. I called for an interception in a crucial point in the game, and we
got one. Please send checks or money orders to my Austin address.
Despite the lack of inter-fan, intra-fan, inner-fan, and extra-fan violence,
the game was great.
Holidays
My time with my parents in Florida during Thanksgiving and Christmas was
excellent. They continue to wonder when I will actually grow up and start
to act even half my age. The two earrings don't help - one of our family
friends actually said "ACK!" when she saw that I had
"decorated" both lobes for the holidays. And, Santa brought me
jumper cables! Yeah! No more trying to jump myself without cables.
A New Millennium, Part Two
I've been told that we're about to start a "new millennium",
which is the biggest load of marketing BS that I've ever heard. Only on
Earth would we get suckered into celebrating "The Year 2000" and then
fall for "The New Millennium" the year after. I think we've all
been had by the man, in the most uncomfortable manner possible. For New
Year's, I'm ditching the United States and heading to Paris and Barcelona
(where they speak with a lisp and can even hardly pronounce millennium, much
less understand how to mass market it). Athios, amigoths.
Back issues
We've been swamped with requests for back issues of the newsletter.
So, check out http://www.bryanjrollins.com and you should find
what you're looking for. Actually, if any of you have newsletters (mine)
that aren't on the site, please send them to me.
I hope you had a great holiday season - I hope you remembered to spend a
lot on my gift. And if you find yourself asking "who let the dogs
out?", maybe you'll soon be asking yourself "why is this dog on my
leg?", "what is the treatment for rabies?", or "who shot my
dogs?"
BJR
December 25, 2000