Dude, Where’s My BJR
14 October 2001
Newsletter interest rates plummet
In order to help the slumping economy, we're almost back to our quarterly
format. Yet, consumer confidence in our writing is at an all-time-low. We
are continuing to lower the value and accuracy of the content that we
provide. And we are still adding more people to our subscription list without
their consent.
The hair club for albinos
After leaving Reactivity, I decided
to keep life as normal as possible by bleaching my hair white. I have
some pictures if you really want to see what it looks like. One friend
remarked that the haircut suited me. This was shortly after telling me
that I'm an idiot.
Florida penal league of baseball
The College World Series in Omaha once again scientifically proved that
Florida college sports teams are giant wankers. Stanford lost to Miami in
the final game of the College World Series. Sameer joined me in Omaha for
the final game, and we ran into some Miami players in a crowded bar.
After I began to explain what I thought of their team and what I thought was
probably going on in their victory dog pile, Sameer decided it was time to drag
me out.
You can't trade your family for stuff
Near the end of June, I managed to spend a few days with Mom, my sister,
and nephews in Florida. Nothing is better than warm weather, family, and
a swimming pool. Every single one of my nephews is a full year older than
they were last year - the miracles of nature never cease to amaze me.
Then again, I'm still amazed by the technology behind corn dogs. And
spray cheese.
Tour De Ireland
Ireland is an incredible country filled with the friendliest group of
alcoholics you'll ever meet. The local music is almost as thick as the
smoke in the pubs, and the Swedish women who visit the country are
beautiful. Seriously, if you want to read more about Ireland, you'll have
to check out Ten
Stories From Ireland. I also managed to see Lance
Armstrong riding down the Champes Elysees carrying the Texas flag. If some
French cyclist ever carried the French flag down Congress Avenue in Austin, run
for cover.
Kayaking in British Columbia
My friend Neel talked me into a sea kayaking trip in British Columbia,
where we met real live Canadians and got to observe them in their natural
habitat, eh. We also saw several members of the Shamoo family, and our
guide Mike even laughed at all my jokes, mostly because we paid him a schwack
of cash.
World Trade Center
I'll put the brakes on the humor here - I doubt anyone could talk about the
last three months of their life and not mention the sick and tragic loss of
life that occurred on September 11th of this year. It changed everything
- and I hope we don't forget what that day means. I'm pleasantly
surprised at how apathy has eroded both from myself and from my friends - and
that we are starting to pay attention to things that matter.
New job
After an opportunity to be an 'Exotic Male Dancer' fell short on account of
artistic differences, I decided to jump on board an incredible, brand new
software startup in Austin. I can't tell you all the details about what
we're doing, mostly because I like to sound cool and they still won't tell me
what we do yet. My new title is 'Exotic Product Manager'. My last
paycheck was paid in ones, and they have a funny way of 'bonusing'.
New car
More important than the new car that I bought is the sad farewell to my old
'95 2-wheel drive, 4 cylinder red Nissan pickup truck, a.k.a. "Class
Action." I miss Class Action a great deal as I painfully adjust to
power locks, the ability to drive forward, and the lack of migraine headaches
from engine noise. Somehow I will go on.
Dan, my housemate / renter / guy who lives in my house but sleeps in a
different room, is another story. The blue neon lights underneath the
foot pedals of his Toyota Celica are only the beginning - he modified the car
to be louder. Our suburban neighbors can't get enough of the growl
of his engine mixed with the Chemical Brothers at 2 AM.
Business school
I know that some of you are shocked that BJR is considering business school
because of the years of abuse given to every business school graduate,
especially those who went to HBS. Since I'm not applying to HBS, the
abuse for those folks will continue. I took the GMAT and did well on the
math section, but struggled in the 'Buzzword Bingo' and 'Attitude without the
burden of substance' sections.
And now, a word from our censor
As always, you can find the previous brilliance of BJR at: http://www.bryanjrollins.com
copyright 2001,
BJR punishing company inc.
Publisher's note: None of the animals slaughtered in the production of this
newsletter were fast enough to escape.