My trip to France and Spain (Mon Trippeua au Franzia and el Spaino)

I spent the last week of 2000 (bad year) and the first week of 2001 (who knows) in Paris and Barcelona.

Paris, France - my second visit.

First, the clothes in France really bugged me.  I needed to pick up a simple rugby since I hadn't packed enough casual clothes, but they only sell women's clothes in France.  I also found that a lot of French women are also very unattractive.  Then, I realized that half of the women were actually men, and half of the women's clothes were men's clothes.  Combine this with the absence of leg shaving, and the French know all there is to know about the Crying Game.

Rodin

The highlight of my trip was the return to the Rodin sculpture garden.  This time I was able to go alone and not be hurried along or annoyed by others, though a cat did bite me while I was eating lunch there.  The statues are incredible, and I developed a new love for "The Burgers of Calais," six noblemen sacrificing themselves for their town.  Rodin was pretty great, and he had a really young sculpting mistress.  Go Rodin.

Louvre

The low point was the Louvre.  The outside of the Louvre is incredible.  The inside is repellant.  I like pop tarts, but I wouldn't ever want to eat 40,000 of them at one setting.  So goes the Louvre.  American TV and movies have been blamed for desensitizing people to violence.  The Lourve does the same for art.  Oh, hey, there's the Mona Lisa.   David's (pronounced as if you are a part of the cross dressing French) large paintings and Michealangelo's captives were the highlights of this garage sale from hell.

Sacre Cour

Visited it again.  Very cool.  I like the staircase.

Night life / Dinner

Dinner at the Hollywood Savoy was a treat - including having several people from our table forced to dance up on the bar because it was their "birthday".  One night we visited "Le Bain Douche", which I think means something no one should try at home.  Since they don't serve decent beer in the whole country, I was stuck drinking Black Russians, which then prompted me to try talking to a 19 year old with a butterfly pin in her hair.

The neighborhood

I stayed near the Jardin de Luxembourg, a cool park where old men plated Bocchi ball, and everything else in the world went on.  There was a neat exhibit of "The land from the sky", some aerial footage of the earth that's quite funky, to say the least.

New Years Eve

As with almost every New Year's Eve of my life, especially the last three, it was horrible.  We arrived at a party where a crowd of 17 year old women, one of whom told a friend of mine "I will have sex with you" - it was like a bad scene from "Can't hardly wait", except the acting was worse and I was not in the mood to watch all of this.  When I'd had enough, I got my coat out from under two people making out and walked home in the rain.

Overall, Paris was a nightmare for lots of other reasons, but seeing my friends there was fantastic.  My thanks to Suds and Jason.

Barcelona, Spain

I thought Spain would be better because of the five years of high school Spanish in my background.  However, after 12 years, all I can remember how to do is count.  Which comes in handy ordering tapas, but not in pushing away the prostitutes crowded around the entrance to our hotel.  Suds and Jason may never let me pick where to stay again.

My fondest memory is getting ripped off for breakfast.  For four pastries and four small (8 oz ) drinks, I paid 7700 pesetas.  The total value of the Nasdaq is about 6000 pesetas.  When I asked "Es tan cara?" (Isn't this too expensive?) the woman replied,  "Todo es cara en La Rambla" (You got ripped off you chumpy tourist, now take a hike before I pull off one of my legs and beat you with it.)

Sagrat Cor

Our second day, we met Elenor, Valirie, Matias, Christina, who are from countries that I have never visited.  We tried to ride a funicular, which is a totally made up word that no one else uses.  Then, our train car didn't open in the station we needed to get off - and we hade to hike up the hill the rest of the way.  Then we walked the wrong way up the wrong path.   I was also upset that Elenor spoke better Spanish than I did.  I could say some nasty things about her in Spanish if I knew any of the words.

Finally, we reached "Sagrat Cor" (Sacred Heart).  The chapel is like Sacre Coeur (Le Sacred Heart) in Paris, only with an amusement park, electric candles , 100 mph winds.  It's like "Jesus World" - sort of Notre Dame, DollyWorld, and a Quansit hut all rolled into one.  It's something you'd expect in Alabama or Georgia.  Little did I know, Spain is the Georgia of Europe.

For lunch we ate paella, beer, steak, and coffee.  What a country.

Siesta, Gaudi, Tapas

The rest of the time I participated in activities such as "la siesta", watching authentic Spanish art such as Antonio Banderas in The 13th Warrior (once in Spanish w/ English subtitles and once in English with Spanish subtitles).  The best version was with the sound and video off.  The Barcelona aquarium sucked - proclaimed "the largest in europe".  There was more wildlife in the bathtub at our hotel and in front of the door to the hotel.  One nigth, after dinner at a great restaurant called La Fonda, we watched "Road Trip" on Suds DVD player.  Ah, Spain.

The final day we visited Sagrada Familia, with its towers and fruit columns.  Started in 1800s, it is still not finished, and will not be until 40 years from now.  The architect, Gaudi, was killed when hit by a funicular.  It's too bad that didn't happen earlier in his life.  Another Gaudi creation, the Parc de Guell, is filled with the most unnatural mosaic everywhere.  There are columns that look almost natural - built at a slant, and decorated with stone mosaic.  Everything is done with curves.  I would either describe it as "nightmarish beauty" or "a wicked LSD trip."

The one game I learned is Tapas Poker - you each choose a Tapas, and whomever orders the worst one has to eat "the penalty" - a Tapas usually made of some sort of cloven hooved intestinal part mixed with some seafood chowder.  Of course, we made up the game, so don't expect to learn it while you are there.

The key to Spain is to stay on US time – get up around 2 PM, eat some falafel, go see something in the city, then eat again, then rest in your hotel room, then go out to eat between 10 PM and noon, then head out for a night on the town and get to bed around 6 AM.  You’ll fit in better in Spain if you do, and you take care of jet lag, too.  Also, don’t let Suds try to speak Spanish to all the homeless people.