Fly the friendly BJR in 2003

Tuesday, 31 Dec 2002 

Welcome on board the BJR newsletter.  We hope you enjoy our newsletter.
Recently, BJR has returned to the life of the jet-set-upon.  Despite all the time in the air, BJR has not found the time to update the masses about his comings and goings, due to the de-listing of the BJR newsletter.   After six months dealing with bankruptcy lawyers and congressional testimony, we are happy to announce that BJR has been cleared of all double counting and invention of subscribers from Asia.

On your right, you'll notice a tourist trap. 
We would highly recommend Cabo San Lucas for anyone needing a good week of unadulterated, high priced tourism.  Neel, Vic, Jason, Sameer and BJR spent some time in the rough, natural landscape of night clubs, pharmacies selling prozac over the counter, and wild shrimp quesadillas.   The highlights of the week were catching a 7', 225 pound marlin while deep sea fishing, being propositioned for every controlled and uncontrolled substance, and Sameer's lack of moves.

Please return your lifestyle to a locked and upright position
The rest of 2002 was overly focused on work.  In efforts to launch our product in November 2002, people close to BJR can testify that he was consumed by (TheCompany).  You'll also notice that we no longer refer to (TheCompany) by its real name, because web searches for (TheCompany) were coming up pointing to the BJR newsletter.  Candidates interviewing with (TheCompany) would often comment to BJR, "I really loved the newsletter with the part about the triplets from Puerto Rico."  We decided that this wasn't the best first impression.

For the folks in the cabin waiting on the score of the game...
Also, (TheCompany) changed its name to (TheCompany2).  And (TheCompany2) launched their first product, (TheProduct), on (TheDate).

Our attendants will be passing through the cabin with a pig's head on a stick
For Thanksgiving, BJR decided to break tradition, and instead of mooching off of other relatives, hosted his mother, sister, brother-in-law, and three nephews in Austin.   For a brief period of time, there were 20 total people related to BJR in his house, which is actually banned by the Geneva convention.  Visits with the families of Neel, Susan, and John Lilly made it feel like one giant reunion.  And, everyone left with all their intestines.

We charge $4.00 extra for holiday spirits
For the Christmas holidays, Susan and BJR split time among Kansas City and Virginia.  In Kansas City, BJR learned the true meaning of Christmas is not the gifts, but it's about the food.  During the 3 days of Xmas in KC, BJR ate 12 peanut butter balls, 11 pounds of bacon, 10 sausage patties, 9 helpings of potatoes, 8 cups of cashew nuts, 7 glasses of milk, 6 pieces of venison, 5 cuts of pork tenderloin, 4 pieces of ice cream cake, 3 eclairs, 2 servings of mushrooms, and a gross of small chickens.

In Virginia, we celebrated Christmas again, and I spent more time nephew-wrestling.  Susan and I were greeted by the performance of the annual Simmons Xmas play, containing amazing special effects.  My nephews were incredibly excited about the PS-2 sitting in front of the tree.  I'm proud to have brought simulated violence and carnage into the lives of such sweet boys. 

We hope that you'll choose BJR again for your humor needs
We know that you don't have a choice except to receive this newsletter, but we still appreciate your passive participation in our season of self-love.

Happy 2003,

BJR

In the event of a real newsletter, your email address can be used as a means of distribution of worthwhile content.  But for the time being, you'll have to swim it alone.  Buh-Bye.