This One Time at BJR Camp
6 Jan 2002
Once again, a new year is upon us, and everyone's thoughts turn to one
thing - what is BJR up to? Never fear, all these answers will be concealed
in good time and bad humor. Even BJR knows it's time to think about
himself, and to forge resolutions of self-improvement, as well as resolutions to
improve the poor qualities of those around him. It's going to be a long
year ahead.
I resolve to get two on a 6-4-3
BJR
started the Fall with a "Boys night out," which resulted in a cantaloupe sized
bruise on Dan's shoulder as BJR tried to turn a short hop to second base into a
double play on the cement floor of Sameer's loft. Dan promptly left for
New Jersey, grumbling about a clumsy landlord and the cliche of exposed
concrete. Dan returned to Austin on January 5, to start a job as a hunter
gatherer for Big Blue and to pay back rent.
I resolve to resolve my
gender issues
In celebration of Halloween, BJR briefly attended a
social gathering of Westlake wives in the cul-de-sac near his house, dressed, of
course, as a Westlake wife. One word: sexy. Actually, there were
three words, but this is a family newsletter. In order to meet the
standard of the 2.3 kids that the neighborhood requires, BJR appeared six months
pregnant with twins, and with a third child's legs sticking out of his brown
purse. (6/9) * 2 + 1 = 2.3. Check.
I resolve to put my
best foot in my mouth
As a part of business school applications, BJR
visited Kellogg with his two faithful sidekicks, Laura and Sameer. The
mandatory interview seemed to be going well until it was my turn to ask
questions. "What's the policy on underage women and alcohol? Does the
Business school interact with the campus sororities? If I move to Chicago
from Texas, I'll have grandfather rights on concealed weapons, right?" If
an uncomfortable handshake at the end and an aversion to eye contact are any
sign, I'm a shoe-in.
I resolve to succumb to
tryptophan
Despite nation wide warnings about arriving two hours
before a flight, BJR decided to wake up 49 minutes before his flight. But
in every cloud, there is a silver lining - I now know the maximum speed of my
car, and everyone on the airplane knows what I smell like when I skip a shower
and then sprint carrying luggage. Upon arriving in Florida for
Thanksgiving, the nephew wrestling commenced, and BJR continued his unbeaten
streak. With a showing of Monsters Inc, a shopping trip with Mom, and the
consumption of a large, roasted flightless bird, I think I would have made both
my Pilgrim and Choctaw ancestors proud.
I resolve to let things
thaw
Most people would replace a refrigerator if it stopped
working. Thanks to the weather in Austin during December, my screened-in
porch has been converted to a refrigerator, though the temperature varies
between 30 and 50 during the day. Milk just doesn't last as long as it
used to. And I'm eating a lot more canned goods. In the global event
of appliance genocide, the house will soon feature a dishwasher that actually
washes dishes, a refrigerator capable of keeping ice cream, and a stove that
doesn't explode, catch fire, or burn the back hair off of any negligent
cooks.
I resolve to block out the sun
My company has chosen
a name, (The Company), from the Latin "(The Company)," meaning "company foolish enough to
pay BJR salary or at least food stamps." I can tell you that we're a
network management software company. As they tell me more about what we're
doing, I'll let you know. BJR is also reachable at (Work Email
Address) if you have something professional to say.
I resolve to stay
beer free for 31 days
The annual "no beer for BJR" month is upon us
again. Most people ask why I don't wait for Lent, but I usually give up
Catholicism during that time, and that's become a nice tradition. Happy
2002, and remember that the people who mean the most to you often owe you the
most money.
Bryan