This One Time at BJR Camp
6 Jan 2002


Once again, a new year is upon us, and everyone's thoughts turn to one thing - what is BJR up to?  Never fear, all these answers will be concealed in good time and bad humor.  Even BJR knows it's time to think about himself, and to forge resolutions of self-improvement, as well as resolutions to improve the poor qualities of those around him.  It's going to be a long year ahead. 

I resolve to get two on a 6-4-3

BJR started the Fall with a "Boys night out," which resulted in a cantaloupe sized bruise on Dan's shoulder as BJR tried to turn a short hop to second base into a double play on the cement floor of Sameer's loft.  Dan promptly left for New Jersey, grumbling about a clumsy landlord and the cliche of exposed concrete.  Dan returned to Austin on January 5, to start a job as a hunter gatherer for Big Blue and to pay back rent.

I resolve to resolve my gender issues

In celebration of Halloween, BJR briefly attended a social gathering of Westlake wives in the cul-de-sac near his house, dressed, of course, as a Westlake wife.  One word: sexy.  Actually, there were three words, but this is a family newsletter.  In order to meet the standard of the 2.3 kids that the neighborhood requires, BJR appeared six months pregnant with twins, and with a third child's legs sticking out of his brown purse.  (6/9) * 2 + 1 = 2.3.  Check.

I resolve to put my best foot in my mouth

As a part of business school applications, BJR visited Kellogg with his two faithful sidekicks, Laura and Sameer.  The mandatory interview seemed to be going well until it was my turn to ask questions.  "What's the policy on underage women and alcohol? Does the Business school interact with the campus sororities?  If I move to Chicago from Texas, I'll have grandfather rights on concealed weapons, right?"  If an uncomfortable handshake at the end and an aversion to eye contact are any sign, I'm a shoe-in.

I resolve to succumb to tryptophan

Despite nation wide warnings about arriving two hours before a flight, BJR decided to wake up 49 minutes before his flight.  But in every cloud, there is a silver lining - I now know the maximum speed of my car, and everyone on the airplane knows what I smell like when I skip a shower and then sprint carrying luggage.  Upon arriving in Florida for Thanksgiving, the nephew wrestling commenced, and BJR continued his unbeaten streak.  With a showing of Monsters Inc, a shopping trip with Mom, and the consumption of a large, roasted flightless bird, I think I would have made both my Pilgrim and Choctaw ancestors proud.

I resolve to let things thaw

Most people would replace a refrigerator if it stopped working.  Thanks to the weather in Austin during December, my screened-in porch has been converted to a refrigerator, though the temperature varies between 30 and 50 during the day.  Milk just doesn't last as long as it used to.  And I'm eating a lot more canned goods.  In the global event of appliance genocide, the house will soon feature a dishwasher that actually washes dishes, a refrigerator capable of keeping ice cream, and a stove that doesn't explode, catch fire, or burn the back hair off of any negligent cooks.

I resolve to block out the sun

My company has chosen a name, (The Company), from the Latin "(The Company)," meaning "company foolish enough to pay BJR salary or at least food stamps."  I can tell you that we're a network management software company.  As they tell me more about what we're doing, I'll let you know.  BJR is also reachable at (Work Email Address)  if you have something professional to say. 

I resolve to stay beer free for 31 days

The annual "no beer for BJR" month is upon us again.  Most people ask why I don't wait for Lent, but I usually give up Catholicism during that time, and that's become a nice tradition.  Happy 2002, and remember that the people who mean the most to you often owe you the most money.

Bryan