BJR Newsletter
Weapons of Mass BJR
November 30, 2003

Several newsletters in the past have centered around travel related themes, both highlighting the adventures of BJR in various locations plus passing on key travel tips and ways to avoid imprisonment and the ensuing intimate relations.   While life has been dominated by travel, and BJR hasn't been paying any attention to current events, a tribute to federal, state, and local government won out over Beanie Babies and Paris Hilton as the topique du Fall.  Actually, BJR knows nothing about government so this newsletter theme will be about corporations.

Mergers and Acquisitions

Much like the low pressure fronts of last year (which created blizzards in the North East, then resulting in record numbers of new born babies this year), the post-30 pressures of the social climate have initiated a set of financial asset combinations and nuptials, accelerated by the struggling public liquidity markets and crackdowns on gigiloism.  BJR was honored to attend the weddings of two great friends, one Kiyon Chung, a up-and-coming Seattle based Cardiologist, and another Joe Fulwiler, a multi-talented enterpreneur who has held a wider variety of positions in technology companies than BJR (but watch your back). Each wedding had different set of guests, music, food, and different people were married as well.  A positive trend that should encourage us all to buy more young people.

Domestic re-branding initiative

BJR's lobbyist is preparing a slew of documents and legal motions to have the formal address of his residence changed from "Garage" to "Cottage". The basis for this agreement revolves around the preservation of BJR's reputation, the de-regulation of the utility industry, and the lack of cars inside his abode.  These documents will be submitted to the landlord along with a free offer for an ice cream sandwich. 

Trimming the fat

Each enterprise must face difficult decisions to reduce spending to maximize shareholder return.  In an effort to fleece the middle class of more investment dollars, BJR had a layer of his cornea removed (in a procedure similar to LASIK called Intralase) and then a few days following, his appendix.  Despite 20/20 vision, BJR still owns a pair of glasses that he uses to look "more New York," "more technical," or "a fan of complex math."  The appendectomy was unplanned, and actually resulted in excessive, massive water retention.  Despite numerous demands from fans of BJR, no pictures of "Fat BJR" were taken or are available.  Stop sending money orders.  BJR's lack of appendix in no way makes him less of a man.

Something witty here about Sports and Business

Despite the tragedy of the Cubs and Red Sox, in the end the Yankees lost so it was a wonderful baseball season.  In the worlds most popular and highest attended sport (that being elementary age soccer in the Stafford county area of Virginia) both of my nephews
dominated their respective leagues, resulting in domination of their respective leagues,   In addition to this excitement, BJR now has two new nieces, both of whom are cats.  The cat-nieces appear to be much smaller and furrier than my nephews, and seem somewhat orange in color.  

Strategic misdirection

It's critical for every organization to have a clear road map of what the future holds. Right now BJR is working on trying to see what's 5 to 10 seconds ahead.  In recent days BJR caused an Amtrak train to come to a dead stop to kick him off, almost "placed" his rental car though a cement wall in Baltimore, survived a ferry ride to New Jersey in 50 mph winds, and survived a two hour flight sitting next to an unattended six year old boy without decapitating him.

Regional focus

Walt Whitman never said "Home is where the BJR is," and neither did a lot of other smart people.  Austin, San Francisco, Berkeley, Los Angeles Sunnyvale, Manhattan, Ft. Walton Beach, New Jersey, Woburn, Baltimore, D.C, and Northern Virginia have all been home to BJR recently, helping him hone his urban skills seminar series, which will now include sessions like:
        "Determining if hotel shampoo burns your eyes"
        "Buying an alarm clock on the streets of NYC at 1 AM"
        "Surfing in LA doesn't have to hurt unless you have no idea what you're doing"
        "Driving in Boston: The sign language of love"

Flex-time and food based incentives

After the analysis of an exhaustive market survey entitled "Who is most likely to feed BJR and give him presents", BJR decided to spend the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with family.  Suggested Christmas presents include cash, checks, or money orders.
        
BJR

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