July 11, 2004
BJR Newsletter
I know what BJR did last
summer
If you can't be a BJR, be a BJR supporter
The
readership of the BJR newsletter has grown to the point where there are no
longer simply "fans of BJR" but several levels of fan-hood. In order to
classify yourself within this caste system of hierarchical worship, the simple
descriptions below are provided:
- "BJR Fan": Deletes newsletter before reading it. Reports BJR to
anti-spam agencies. Has no idea who this BJR guy is.
- "BJR Supporter": People forced into a relationship with BJR (family,
ex-girlfriends, some farm animals). Checks BJR newsletter to make sure
there's no mention of them. Frowns at obscene references in newsletter.
- "BJR Maniac": Loves BJR newsletter. Spoons nightly with freshly
printed copy. Subconsciously draws BJR's face in toothpaste, mash
potatoes, cement. Bobblehead BJR on dashboard.
- "BJR Zealot": Wears medallion of Saint BJR (patron saint of smartasses)
everywhere. Faces towards Austin when smirking. Changes initials to
BJR. Stalks BJR. Currently has four restraining orders preventing
approach within 100 yards. Currently looking in my window...
I can be center field
BJR once again took in the College
World Series in Omaha, Nebraska, hosted once again by the amazing and still
flexible Weitz family. Despite the unforgivable absence of Stanford
baseball, BJR enjoyed the CWS. This time West Coast baseball prevailed,
with Cal State Fullerton winning over Texas. If you've never been to
Omaha, then you've never been to Omaha.
The old BJR
game
Despite a busy college baseball schedule, BJR has been able to
spend some time professionally. BJR has worked hard to see Roger Clemens
and Andy Pettite start in Houston, Schilling start at Fenway, no one important
at Shea stadium, and the Yankees get rocked by the Orioles at Camden Yards with
the Heller family - all of whom are Yankee fans, despite being somewhat
reasonable people; emphasis on 'somewhat'.
The Loft
BJR is
now fully moved into his downtown loft, complete with electronic shades and a
refrigerator lacking any real food it in. BJR's neighbors are mostly
either psychotic or crazy, however.
Ocho De
Mayo
Celebrating the rich, cultural tradition of Ocho De Mayo, BJR
and four friends threw a fiesta of some size at his downtown loft. Coming
six months after the famed "Northern Exposure" party in December, "Southern
Exposure" was a huge hit, and this time BJR didn't sleep in the bathroom or
spend the next week apologizing. Only one donkey was hurt in the making of
this fiesta.
Burger with everything on it
The summer
wedding season kicked off with Doug Burger tying the knot with some woman he met
somewhere in the past, but this time endorsed by the state of Texas. The
wedding was a blast and BJR was honored that his friends went out of their way
to entertain him by making fools of themselves. BJR was also
self-entertained at various points in the evening, in a pattern consistent since
conscious existence.
In the company of BJR
Not
normally one to play host due to his downright hostile and territorial nature,
BJR received visits from Mom, his brother, sister, and friends Pete and Vic,
luckily each on separate weekends. BJR gave each a thorough tour of his
empty refrigerator, and pointed out where to buy both varieties of crack in
Austin.
Exercise your right to apathy
You may not realize
that there's a presidential election underway. You may have noticed beer
commercials on this subject. BJR encourages everyone to get out there and
vote Libertarian. This way you can't be blamed for what a walking corpse
or a vengeful oilman vocabulary enthusiast will do to our country over the next
four years. Just a tip.
New to the BJR Newsletter
The
readership of the BJR Newsletter has once again jumped over 10% in single issue;
once again a new set of readers have been added to the list against their will
and have no hope of getting off the list. For those of you who are new and
hopeless, you can spend the next month of your life memorizing past newsletters
available on
http://www.bryanjrollins.com
Disclaimer: BJR's name is BJR, and BJR endorsed, paid for, and had
amorous relations with this message. This newsletter is exempt from taxes
in Ohio and Missouri and liability is limited to the first born son in any state
with a single digit literacy level.