BJR Newsletter
Once Upon a Time with BJR
March 5,
2004
Now that our nation has turned our attention to the impending
threat of steroid-induced, terrorist-sponsored mass gay marriage, it seems only
appropriate that this newsletter's theme be fairy-tale oriented.
Note that no ban on self-marriage has been proposed, so BJR is still legally
allowed to enter a lifelong, committed (though non-tax beneficial) relationship
with the one true love of his life. By keeping the breed pure BJR will
guarantee that future generations will continue to receive high quality
sarcasm. In an uncanny example of life imitating art, BJR's life has
closely mirrored the famous fable of the fox who was born in Alaska, educated in
California, and lives in Texas but works for a Web services security startup in
the Bay Area.
The Return Receipt of the Magi
Shortly after
the last newsletter, BJR celebrated the Christmas holidays with his sister,
brother-in-law, and nephews in Virginia. Mom also joined us as we unveiled
a full sized trampoline Xmas morning. After hours of complex engineering
in 40 degree weather the boys kept jumping the rest of the vacation through
injuries and frigid temps. They may still be jumping as we speak.
Uncle BJR actually tossed his cookies after one extended jumping session, which
was not mentioned anyone in the installation instructions.
Au
Revior El Garaje, WIkommen Das Loften! (No fairy tale is complete without
some Euro-babble)
On March 24, BJR will depart the comforts of 2706
Greenlee, Garage (and yes, it's a nice garage) and move into a loft in downtown
Austin. After touring several of the brand new downtown lofts with stained
concrete floors and white plaster walls, BJR purchased a 1300 square-foot studio
where someone else had already done all of the work to put in hard woods, a new
kitchen, and the luxury of bathroom walls. The new mailing address for BJR
is provided below. Please don't send mail unless there's money
included.
Bryan J. Rollins Fan Club Slush Fund
411 Brazos Street
#201
Austin, TX 78701
BJR will be living the "downtown"
lifestyle. This means paying more for food and basic living supplies while
hassling with meter maids, homeless prostitutes, crack addicts, and his other
friends. BJR's Mom is also moving into a new place in Florida - BJR
will get to tour her new digs just before he moves into his place in
March.
Beauty is only skin deep, but sports goes clean through
the bone
In a word of technology and the modern era, it is still
amazing the way natural, pastoral beauty overshadows the trite and mundane that
surrounds us. The beauty here, of course, is Stanford basketball and
Stanford baseball. At the moment this newsletter is being penned, both sit
at #1 in the national rankings. BJR had the pleasure of watching Stanford
take 2 of 3 from UT in baseball, and thanks to John and Nikhyl, BJR witnessed
several home games at Maples this season as well.
Back in No Action -
The moral of no morals
Several of you have inquired about whether or
not BJR is "dating again." First, the use of the word "again" would
indicate that somehow BJR has not been trapped in the vicious cycle of serial
monogamy. Second, the social life of BJR is not discussed in such a public
forum as the BJR newsletter. Such details are reserved for the weekly
Reactivity corporate Business Development updates. Third, see intro
paragraph on BJR's true love.
The story of a boy and his frozen
derriere
Despite BJR's Alaskan roots, his skin has thinned and BJR
can't take it anymore. A recent January tour of New York, Boston, and
Chicago proved that he's no eskimo. A few highlights:
- Last plane flight out of LaGuardia before the shut the airport down thanks
to snow storms
- U-turn donuts in Boston in a rental Jag in the snow
- Coldest (expletive deleted) day of the year in Chicago
A Tale
of One High School
Two of the best events of the last few months
have been getting to see two of my best friends from high school, Scott Sayers
and Jeff Cross. Both are enjoying great lives with their respective
significant others and taking full advantage of the Federal Witness Protection
Program. "Scott" and "Jeff" send their best.
BJR would
walk 1,000,000 miles
Actually, it would be hard to get to get BJR to
walk a mile for just about anything, but BJR recently hit 1,000,000 frequent
flyer miles on American Airlines. This milestone gives BJR new privileges
such as first class upgrades, diesel oil massages from the engine mechanics, and
the opportunity to exchange cash to fly on American in the future.
Disclaimer: There is no moral to this fairy tale, other than "A
Pig and his Lederhosen are easier separated with farm equipment than
diplomacy." The translation of this fairy tale from the original Cyrillic
text may have involved the replacement of certain references to body parts
with punctuation marks.