BJR Newsletter
Once Upon a Time with BJR
March 5, 2004

Now that our nation has turned our attention to the impending threat of steroid-induced, terrorist-sponsored mass gay marriage, it seems only appropriate that this newsletter's theme be fairy-tale oriented.   Note that no ban on self-marriage has been proposed, so BJR is still legally allowed to enter a lifelong, committed (though non-tax beneficial) relationship with the one true love of his life.  By keeping the breed pure BJR will guarantee that future generations will continue to receive high quality sarcasm.  In an uncanny example of life imitating art, BJR's life has closely mirrored the famous fable of the fox who was born in Alaska, educated in California, and lives in Texas but works for a Web services security startup in the Bay Area.

The Return Receipt of the Magi

Shortly after the last newsletter, BJR celebrated the Christmas holidays with his sister, brother-in-law, and nephews in Virginia.  Mom also joined us as we unveiled a full sized trampoline Xmas morning.  After hours of complex engineering in 40 degree weather the boys kept jumping the rest of the vacation through injuries and frigid temps.  They may still be jumping as we speak.  Uncle BJR actually tossed his cookies after one extended jumping session, which was not mentioned anyone in the installation instructions. 

Au Revior El Garaje, WIkommen Das Loften!  (No fairy tale is complete without some Euro-babble)

On March 24, BJR will depart the comforts of 2706 Greenlee, Garage (and yes, it's a nice garage) and move into a loft in downtown Austin.  After touring several of the brand new downtown lofts with stained concrete floors and white plaster walls, BJR purchased a 1300 square-foot studio where someone else had already done all of the work to put in hard woods, a new kitchen, and the luxury of bathroom walls.  The new mailing address for BJR is provided below.  Please don't send mail unless there's money included.

Bryan J. Rollins Fan Club Slush Fund
411 Brazos Street #201
Austin, TX 78701

BJR will be living the "downtown" lifestyle.  This means paying more for food and basic living supplies while hassling with meter maids, homeless prostitutes, crack addicts, and his other friends.  BJR's Mom is also moving into a new place in Florida -  BJR will get to tour her new digs just before he moves into his place in March. 

Beauty is only skin deep, but sports goes clean through the bone

In a word of technology and the modern era, it is still amazing the way natural, pastoral beauty overshadows the trite and mundane that surrounds us.  The beauty here, of course, is Stanford basketball and Stanford baseball.  At the moment this newsletter is being penned, both sit at #1 in the national rankings.  BJR had the pleasure of watching Stanford take 2 of 3 from UT in baseball, and thanks to John and Nikhyl, BJR witnessed several home games at Maples this season as well.

Back in No Action - The moral of no morals

Several of you have inquired about whether or not BJR is "dating again."  First, the use of the word "again" would indicate that somehow BJR has not been trapped in the vicious cycle of serial monogamy.  Second, the social life of BJR is not discussed in such a public forum as the BJR newsletter.  Such details are reserved for the weekly Reactivity corporate Business Development updates.  Third, see intro paragraph on BJR's true love.

The story of a boy and his frozen derriere

Despite BJR's Alaskan roots, his skin has thinned and BJR can't take it anymore.  A recent January tour of New York, Boston, and Chicago proved that he's no eskimo.  A few highlights: A Tale of One High School

Two of the best events of the last few months have been getting to see two of my best friends from high school, Scott Sayers and Jeff Cross.  Both are enjoying great lives with their respective significant others and taking full advantage of the Federal Witness Protection Program.  "Scott" and "Jeff" send their best. 

BJR would walk 1,000,000 miles

Actually, it would be hard to get to get BJR to walk a mile for just about anything, but BJR recently hit 1,000,000 frequent flyer miles on American Airlines.  This milestone gives BJR new privileges such as first class upgrades, diesel oil massages from the engine mechanics, and the opportunity to exchange cash to fly on American in the future.

Disclaimer:  There is no moral to this fairy tale, other than "A Pig and his Lederhosen are easier separated with farm equipment than diplomacy."  The translation of this fairy tale from the original Cyrillic text may have  involved the replacement of certain references to body parts with punctuation marks.