BJR Wedding Newsletter (includes free Honeymoon newsletter)
28 October 2007
Warning: Once again, a major shortage in the supply of
sarcasm prevented the BJR newsletter from being sent out on time, so
three newsletters worth of content are crammed into one
edition. And yet, there's still just one low price to read
it: Your Pride.
BJR-LMH Wedding Finishes without (Major) Catastrophe
BJR and Lisa Rollins-formerly-Handzus exchanged vows, and are now
taxable as a family unit as of May 5, 2007. In attendance
were close family members and a few blackmailing
non-desirables. The minister refused to pronounce us "BJR and
LMR" (hereafter referred to as 'The R's').
Costa Rica renamed "Costa Touristica That Costa Too Mucha"
BJR Smart Idea #1: The R's adventure to Costa Rica ("the island that
BJR found out is not an island") began with a three (3) hour drive from
Hendersonville to Atlanta immediately after the reception. As
a first test of our marriage vows, BJR had to remove the 254 hairpins
that were keeping LMR's hair flying in formation.
BJR Smart Idea #2: Just four (4) hours later, the alarm went off and
the R's were off to Costa Rica. Once in Costa Rica
("like Nicaragua, only without the bad memories of an American military
fiasco") the 20-seat prop dumped the R's in Tamarindo, and a cab
completed the journey to the Hotel Cocodrilo ("The Hotel of No
Crocodiles During May"). Tamarindo is a surfer town, so the
R's learned how to have a surfboard beat them into submission again and
again while a local tried to explain how stoned he was the previous
night. After three (3) days in Tamarindo, the
Volcano lured us to Arenal, the active volcano in the region.
Usually, when you have something "active" in a "region," it's time to
see the doctor. Instead, the R's saw Eduardo, the hiking
guide, who showed them monkeys and lava rocks and toucans.
Topping off the adventure came horseback riding to zip lines (bruised
caboose on high).
BJR Smart Idea #3: A final dinner in La Fortuna (wiped out several
times over by volcanoes and floods, how fortunate) introduced BJR
to 'La Comida Tipica" which translates directly (or at least
within 12 hours to) "The Local Food Poisoning".
After a nightmare travel fiasco courtesy of Nature Air and the citizens
of Costa Rica ("The people who don't know how to say 'I don't know'),
the R's threw a party for a handful of friends in Austin, just five
hours after arriving home. LMR vows revenge on Nature Air and
plans to one day start her own regional airline in Costa Rica, except
her airplanes will have air-to-air missiles to shoot at Nature Air
planes. She plans to name the airline "Don't Fly Nature Air
Or We Will Shoot You Airlines"
Photos from the Wedding (And Free Honeymoon Photos!)
You can now see a set of photos from the wedding here. LMR is
the one in the dress. The white dress.
Once, twice, three times as painful
The R's have decided that people often introduce strife and pain into
their marriage because there is no other outlet for conflict, pain, and
insanity. To focus their need for punishment outside of their
marriage, the R's have participated in several triathlons over the
Summer and Fall. The couples triathlon on July 9th taught BJR
that there is something more humiliating than being passed by a 51 year
old woman: being passed one minute later by a 55 year old
woman. in September, BJR did complete his first Olympic
distance triathlon in under 3 hours, and placed first in the category
of former Alaskans who publish BJR Newsletters. The R's
finished the season with the Longhorn triathlon in October, accompanied
by 30 other folks from "The Current Company". For an added
bonus, BJR's Mom and Sister visited Austin to see the finish of the
Longhorn, though it did not appear to make BJR behave any more mature
or appropriate during the weekend.
"Le Poulet. Merci."
The above is the one conversation BJR managed entirely in French during
his stay in Paris. Unfortunately, he said it to a
horse. The R's enjoyed a half-business, half-pleasure jaunt
to London, Paris, Oslo, and London. Highlights included the
worst hotel in London, a failed quest for salted fish, the Louvre 5K
dash, a Norwegian breakfast (cold cuts!), and learning that the correct
answer to anyone in Paris who asks you "Do you speak English?" is "I
have a knife and I will stab you." An amazing dinner at
Willi's Wine Bar in Paris, the speed of the Tube, the Rodin Sculpture
garden, and Westminster have struck a cord deep in the R's that has not
ceased to reverberate.
The Modern Age of Transportation
In an effort to rally support for the practice of engine braking, LMR
went through a rigorous nationally accredited course in driving a
manual transmission. The training was administered by close
family friend Daniel T. Heller, in order to save the R's marriage and
not have BJR yelling "You're killing my baby!"). After
completion of the lessons, Dan fled the state and is driving in
California for two months while LMR "works out a few of the kinks."
The R's also hopped to Northern California to pay the yearly respects
to the other kidney, to Seattle to meet Isadora, and to Orlando to
chill with Carter. The R's caught a Mariners-Red Sox game,
and spent time with a ton of friends who make the R's want to pack
their backpacks and set up camp on Whidbey Island.
BJR Newsletter Disclaimer
Brought to you today by the letter % and the number i. Stay
tuned next week, when the Newsletter says "China White"
Past Newsletters at http://www.bryanjrollins.com