[BJR Newsletter]
1 Sep 2009
BJR is just not that into you

Many of you are apparently shocked, despite the title "Newsletter", that you are not the only semi-periodic recipient of the brilliance of BJR. But, unless you co-habitate with BJR, well, BJR is just not that into you. At least not the general you. And, more than likely, the specific you as well.

Putting the Mum in Mumbai
In order to celebrate the blessing of the nuptials of their good friends Mak & Shannon, BJR, LMR, and the Danimal boarded a plane for Mumbai, just 5 hours after the terrorist attacks began on November 26 in Bombay, which is lucky because they were headed to Mumbai. Trip Summary: We met no actual Pakistani terrorists, and the food was amazing. BJR will never forget the images: The friendly Marati neighborhoods in North Mumbai, the smothering welcome of Mak's entire family, meeting Mak's Agee, Mak's mom's expert bargaining and five star cooking, watching the Kettuvallam on a lazy river in Kerala with the sunrise, a bicycle rickshaw ride through Agra from a 14-year-old kid wearing a Columbia soccer jersey. LMR did not enjoy the fact that BJR enjoyed verbal jousting with the "touts" (a word meaning "commissioned street sales agent who tries to get you to shop at his friend's store, or he-who-repackages-the-same-10-tired-and-BS-lines-to-try-to-get-you-to-follow-him). And while "Old Delhi" might sound quaint or charming, "Old" in Hindi means filled with garbage can bonfires, barking dogs, thieves, and touts.

Prospero Yoyo y Feliz y Dad
BJR was dreaming of a Central Mexican Christmas, and he got it. Or at least the day-after. Cabe (pronouced "KAH-BAY" when in Mexico) and BJR drove from Austin into Central Mexico, which turns out to be right in the middle of Mexico. Cabe's amazing five senses led to an incredible week long journey: his sense of GPS-like navigation through windy pueblos and dangerous neighborhood with big signs saying "white boys leave cash and valuables here", his uncanny ability to sense authentic tacos al pastor one half mile away, his sense to not give up until we found rental mountain bikes even if they were two sizes too small, his photographic sense for finding the most spectacular parts of mountain ranges and the patience to take 40 pictures of each, and his common sense to spend no more than a week with BJR ("el loco"). Dona Tota Gorditas for all!

The New Grind
After the new year, BJR launched "BJR Research" (no joke), the name being the choice of his legal council. In a vote of the board of directors, BJR was appointed CEO (and holy Emporer) of BJR Research, which 1) provides consulting services to health care software companies, and 2) exports high quality newsletters. BJR's first project, with a large public health care software company, "TheCompany3", quickly became an experience in masochism (which under more scantily clad circumstances might have been welcomed). Reminiscent of days of yore working for Trilogy in Wisconsin, with no rest for the wickedly brilliant, "Project Bhatan" went live in March and professional life is only sporadically lethal.

Brain Lightning
While BJR's professional passion is squarely focused on the realm of health care, his own personal ability to make intelligent clinical decisions is far from existent. While in the middle of the hardest cycling workout yet, BJR closed his eyes momentarily, only to witness an intense flash of light, and upon opening his eyes, his left eye was blurred, and a large lightning bolt bright spot had appeared in his vision. BJR immediately sought medical help. And by immediately, fearless reader, we mean three days later, after finishing the last 20 minutes of the workout, and after going running the next day, and only after a friend told BJR that he had better stop being an idiot and go to a doctor. BJR's malady turned out only to be an optical migraine, while BJR is still hoping that it is a sign that the voltage in his brain is much higher than average.

What if you threw a party and everyone came?
Despite a study published by Trinity College in Dublin concluding that BJR is in no way a positive influence during the maturation of humans, animals, plants or cheese, Breakthrough Austin asked BJR to co-chair the annual Breakthrough Austin Champions event. Having assembled an all-star cast of volunteers, BJR sat back through all the hard work but somehow managed to rock the mic for the event and give the closing speech, just to make sure to visibly take all of the credit. If BJR had the capability to be humbled, he would have been humbled by the students of Breakthrough.

Guaranteed Improved Performance
What's the easiest way to take 15-20 minutes off your best time in an Olympic distance triathlon? BJR learned that, by skipping one of the four laps of the bike course, you can set a new personal record. And, as a consolation prize, once you discover your 3/4th'd mistake, the consolation prize of finding a race judge and disqualifying yourself is yours to keep. The 24 hours of banging your head against a wall mumbling "stupid, stupid, stupid..." are purely optional but recommended.

Lone Star Circle of Life Bike Tour
BJR has been accepted a second year in a row to the Lone Star Circle of Life Bike Tour, a week long tour of Texas where people pay no money to see BJR in shaved legs and spandex. And, they get to hear about how important marrow, organ, eye, blood, and tissue donation are. Expect to be hit up by BJR in a future newsletter for a donation. Or in person for an on-the-spot spleen, knee, or frontal lobe donation.

Cold Rush
Tomorrow, BJR and LMR head North to BJR's home state, Alaska, for two weeks of camping, hiking, and BJR's 5th High School Reunion. Hard to believe it's only been 5 years since BJR graduated from high school at the age of 13.

Legal Notice: It is recently rumored that BJR took performance enhancing drugs during the "frequent newsletter" era. BJR's contract does not allow him to make comments affirming or denying whether Sosa, McGwire, Bonds, or 250 other MLB players were ever guest newsletter authors or editors.