BJR's Choice Awards 2009
30 Dec 2009
Once again, BJR was the best of 2009 and everything else
was the worst. Best dressed? BJR.
Best Newsletter? BJR. Best Appearance of Sharing Information but
Witholding It? BJR, BJR, BJR. Lifetime achievement award for living
lifestyle? BJR. In the minor awards later that evening, "Best
movie starring George Clooney watched by BJR on Netflix
in October" went to Michael Clayton.
Lone Star Monsoon of Life Bike Tour.
BJR completed the 2009 Lone Star
Circle of Life Bike Touralong with 11 other riders and several support
staff and crew. Of
the 600+ miles covered on the tour, scientists using simulations with
and high pressure hoses estimate that 599+ of those miles were under a
torrential downpour while hostile savages shot poisoned darts and threw
armadillos at the riders. BJR managed to crash only twice during the
second time as a result of his close friend Kevin sticking a bike pump
BJR's front wheel as he plummeted downhill at 85 mph. As a direct
result of this act, Kevin was chosen as the captain of next year's
team. BJR was again honored and amazed to meet
so many incredible people
throughout this ride and to have a chance to give back for the gift he
never deserved to receive. BJR thanks everyone who sponsored him.
A trip to Iowa in early December.
BJR was very, very, very cold. It is unclear what the
point of Iowa is.
Thanksgiving in Virginia
No time passes faster than when BJR spends time with his
Unclets in Virginia. This Thanksgiving was no exception, and
featured LMR and BJR
spending two nights in Mom's new residence filled with people who
rememberthe birth of Elvis and one who actually delivered him. This
year's Unclet activities included a catastrophic exhibition of
hours of unbelievable pure-fun throwing a football through a tire with
Benjamin, watching Braden walk barefoot all morning along the frozen
the rest of us wore scarves and hats, listening to Jonathon shred on
electric guitar, and bike riding and running with
Diez anos de prosperidad por Taco Deli!
Yi yi yi yi! Este ano marca
el decimo ano de
negocio para el restaurante favorito de BJR en todo el mundo, Taco
Deli. BJR y sus compadres
han comido el almuerzo en Taco Deli cada Sabado por los 8 anos pasados.
Se parece que tus pantalones son los pantalones del payaso. Taco
BJR le desea muchos anos de prosperidad. Deseo que su ceviche est
fresco y que su dona sera picante. Vaya
and LMR traveled to the high Sierra mountains of Northern California,
where 7 generations of BJR's father's family have resided. As a
contrast to BJR's nuclear family Christmases of his upbringing,
where each present is opened and admired, the 20+ family member
present-massacre of 2009 took 87.3 seconds and generated 15,000 metric
eviscerated wrapping paper. Despite preparing for freezing temps,
BJR and LMR
wereled by Uncle Cy through a clear blue sky hike to Grizzly peak, a
jaunt into an old mine shaft, and a full gravity walk through the
Moonscape ofNorthern California serpentine deposits. The other kidney
is doing well
and BJR's new kidney enjoyed catching up with her twin.
Murder Rate in Juarez lower than last Monday (but the day is
Today, BJR ventures to El Paso, Texas, where tomorrow, the
Stanford Cardinal will take on the Oklahoma Sooner's in the 76th Annual
Sun Bowl. The neighboring town to El Paso (Juarez, Mexico) has been
in the news lately because of the common mass executions, kidnappings,
drive-by-shootings, and other highlights of border drug gang wars.
Juarez tourism associations slogan for 2009 "STOP! Do not come here!
We don't need to deal with any more hostage negotiations!" is
proudly displayed to welcome visitors entering this little "Baghdad on
the Border" (BJR did not make this up. Nice nickname, eh?). BJR
hopes to see a Stanford victory and not come within shooting distance
border. [Note that BJR is a fan of Mexico and crossed the border
December (con su amigo "Cah-bey") safely, just not at Juarez
"1800murdered annually!", Mexico].
Meet the New Year, Same as the Old Year
BJR is already disappointed in
2010. which apparently will have the same number of days and months as
2009. Even the months will be named the same as they were in 2009!
Can you get any more pedantic, pedestrian, pathetic, or panda-esque?
in environmentally conscious times, this seems like too much recycling.
BJR declares that there will instead be 6 themed months in 2010,
75 days, with from one to ten "surprise weeks" over the course of
theyear, which will unexpectedly vanish and never happen. Celebrate
first month of Hasselhofftober
by going on a sledding trip down a snowless mountain. Enjoy the
traditional face slapping flights of late Estradauary.
Put together an all-bourbon picnic in Sellecktober
Grab someone else's family and head to a condemned beach in mid-
Test out your best cat/kite fighting skills in Chachitober.
Pull those closest to you even closer in JakeAndTheFatManuary.
Happy New Year!
The informationcontained in the BJR newsletter and other BJR
newsletters is for
disinformation purposes only. Any reliance on perceived "facts" in
thisnewsletter is at best laughable and at worst conclusive of moronic
status and all rights associated with such status. The newsletter is
classified as "fiction" or "non-fiction" but as "horse hockey".