BJR Newsletter
BJR's Choice Awards 2009
30 Dec 2009

Once again, BJR was the best of 2009 and everything else was the worst. Best dressed? BJR. Best Newsletter? BJR. Best Appearance of Sharing Information but Actually Witholding It? BJR, BJR, BJR. Lifetime achievement award for living the BJR lifestyle? BJR. In the minor awards later that evening, "Best movie starring George Clooney watched by BJR on Netflix in October" went to Michael Clayton.

Lone Star Monsoon of Life Bike Tour.
BJR completed the 2009 Lone Star Circle of Life Bike Touralong with 11 other riders and several support staff and crew. Of the 600+ miles covered on the tour, scientists using simulations with cats and high pressure hoses estimate that 599+ of those miles were under a torrential downpour while hostile savages shot poisoned darts and threw armadillos at the riders. BJR managed to crash only twice during the ride; the second time as a result of his close friend Kevin sticking a bike pump in BJR's front wheel as he plummeted downhill at 85 mph. As a direct result of this act, Kevin was chosen as the captain of next year's team. BJR was again honored and amazed to meet so many incredible people throughout this ride and to have a chance to give back for the gift he never deserved to receive. BJR thanks everyone who sponsored him.

A trip to Iowa in early December. BJR was very, very, very cold. It is unclear what the point of Iowa is.
Thanksgiving in Virginia
No time passes faster than when BJR spends time with his Unclets in Virginia. This Thanksgiving was no exception, and featured LMR and BJR spending two nights in Mom's new residence filled with people who rememberthe birth of Elvis and one who actually delivered him. This year's Unclet activities included a catastrophic exhibition of bowling, hours of unbelievable pure-fun throwing a football through a tire with Benjamin, watching Braden walk barefoot all morning along the frozen beach while the rest of us wore scarves and hats, listening to Jonathon shred on the electric guitar, and bike riding and running with Bekah-who-never-runs-out-of-energy.

Diez anos de prosperidad por Taco Deli!

Yi yi yi yi! Este ano marca el decimo ano de negocio para el restaurante favorito de BJR en todo el mundo, Taco Deli. BJR y sus compadres han comido el almuerzo en Taco Deli cada Sabado por los 8 anos pasados. Se parece que tus pantalones son los pantalones del payaso. Taco Deli, enhorabuena! BJR le desea muchos anos de prosperidad. Deseo que su ceviche est siempre fresco y que su dona sera picante. Vaya con queso.

Christmas at Altitude
BJR and LMR traveled to the high Sierra mountains of Northern California, where 7 generations of BJR's father's family have resided. As a contrast to BJR's nuclear family Christmases of his upbringing, where each present is opened and admired, the 20+ family member present-massacre of 2009 took 87.3 seconds and generated 15,000 metric tons of eviscerated wrapping paper. Despite preparing for freezing temps, BJR and LMR wereled by Uncle Cy through a clear blue sky hike to Grizzly peak, a quick jaunt into an old mine shaft, and a full gravity walk through the Moonscape ofNorthern California serpentine deposits. The other kidney is doing well and BJR's new kidney enjoyed catching up with her twin.

Murder Rate in Juarez lower than last Monday (but the day is not over)
Today, BJR ventures to El Paso, Texas, where tomorrow, the Stanford Cardinal will take on the Oklahoma Sooner's in the 76th Annual Sun Bowl. The neighboring town to El Paso (Juarez, Mexico) has been in the news lately because of the common mass executions, kidnappings, drive-by-shootings, and other highlights of border drug gang wars. The Juarez tourism associations slogan for 2009 "STOP! Do not come here! We don't need to deal with any more hostage negotiations!" is proudly displayed to welcome visitors entering this little "Baghdad on the Border" (BJR did not make this up. Nice nickname, eh?). BJR hopes to see a Stanford victory and not come within shooting distance of the border. [Note that BJR is a fan of Mexico and crossed the border last December (con su amigo "Cah-bey") safely, just not at Juarez "1800murdered annually!", Mexico].

Meet the New Year, Same as the Old Year BJR is already disappointed in 2010. which apparently will have the same number of days and months as 2009. Even the months will be named the same as they were in 2009! Can you get any more pedantic, pedestrian, pathetic, or panda-esque? Even in environmentally conscious times, this seems like too much recycling. BJR declares that there will instead be 6 themed months in 2010, each with 75 days, with from one to ten "surprise weeks" over the course of theyear, which will unexpectedly vanish and never happen. Celebrate the first month of Hasselhofftober by going on a sledding trip down a snowless mountain. Enjoy the traditional face slapping flights of late Estradauary. Put together an all-bourbon picnic in Sellecktober Grab someone else's family and head to a condemned beach in mid- Hannibal. Test out your best cat/kite fighting skills in Chachitober. Pull those closest to you even closer in JakeAndTheFatManuary. Happy New Year!


Disclaimer: The informationcontained in the BJR newsletter and other BJR newsletters is for disinformation purposes only. Any reliance on perceived "facts" in thisnewsletter is at best laughable and at worst conclusive of moronic status and all rights associated with such status. The newsletter is not classified as "fiction" or "non-fiction" but as "horse hockey".